The eye of the buffalo

Rising up, back on the steed

for my pav bhaji, took my chances

Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet

Just a man and his will to survive 

So many times it happens too fast

You press the accelerator for brakes

Don't lose your grip on the wheel

You must hold it right to stay alive

It's the eye of the buffalo

It's the thrill of the ride

Rising up to the challenge of a fender bend

And the last known survivor

Stalks his prey in the night

And he's watching us all with the eye of the buffalo

Face to face, out in the night

Hanging tough, staying hungry

They stack the bovines 'til we take to the street

For the bumps and the skill to still ride

Rising up, straight to the top

Had the pav bhaji, got the paan

Went the distance, now I'm not going to stop

Just a man and his will to survive

It's the eye of the buffalo

It's the thrill of the ride

Rising up to the challenge of a fender bend

And the last known survivor

Stalks his prey in the night

And he's watching us all with the eye of the buffalo

The eye of the buffalo

The eye of the buffalo

The eye of the buffalo

The eye of the buffalo

@ LPQ

LPQ - Le Pain Quotidien, french for daily bread is situated about a cobblestone's throw away from the Gateway of India. LPQ is pronounced in the same way as most french words are...absolutely different from how it is spelled. I wont even attempt to twist my tongue around that but the highlighted LPQ link should be able to help you. Wiki also gives a fair idea about the origins and whatever you need to know about the chain. I had heard about it quite sometime back from a food review in the papers and set out there on a whim to try something different. It seemed an eternity crossing the million who had chosen to throng the gateway to get some peace n quiet but more importantly some succour for my hunger. 

I stepped into a world different from congested n deafening traffic into one of understated elegance and simplicity where I was greeted by the smell of freshly baked bread and a myriad of herbs. I was served by some really courteous waiters who had good knowledge of what was served; not that it mattered much for the menu was self explanatory. I went there under the pretext of ordering some eggs but ended up being late for breakfast by a good two hours past noon and so ended up ordering a Mediterranean salad. I would have over ordered and over eaten thereafter had it not been for the helpful people on the floor; not that I would have minded that now on afterthought :P Since I couldn't accommodate anything further despite the known punjabi fact that the stomach is infinitely elastic, I settled for a chocolate croissant and a steaming hot cup of strong freshly brewed cappuccino. The salad was fresh, bountiful and tasted as great as the freshly warmed bread it was served with; the croissant flaky fresh with molten chocolate and the coffee....eeeee all that I had hoped for. It was absolute serendipitous bliss. A small card is still stuffed into my bag as a souvenir.

HISTORY - THENGAI'D BY THENGAI.INC

mattai thengai
(coconut with husk)

thengai without the mattai
(wonly coconut)

[CLAIM(ER) DIS:  THIS BLOG IS THE RESULT OF A LATE NIGHT CHAT WITH MY OLD BUDDY VENKATESH @ 2345 HRS LOCAL TIME. NO OTHER PERSON HAS BEEN BRAIN DAMAGED DURING THE COURSE OF THE CHAT. IF SO, THEN WE DON'T CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY. NO HONESTLY, WE DON'T]

Thengai, aka coconut / cocos nucifera. It is a member of the family arecaceae (acc to wiki). So if it were to be christened in the traditional South Indian (S.I) way, the thengai (if it had a passport) would be named A. Mattai Thengai / A. Thengai / Mattai Thengai Arecaceae / Thengai Arecaceae. 

The thengai and the apple trees had been existing in paradise with some minor differences since IT (A great theological paradox, as shakti the supreme power is feminine (SHE) while all other publishers claim that the supreme power is masculine (HE). Am just referring to power as IT at the cost of being asexist) published this tenth edition of the world (the previous editions have been out of circulation for some time now) called Kali-yug. The minor difference being that while the apple was conveniently located in GodsOwnGarden; the thengai was banished to distant GodsOwnCountry and its nearby states. 

Aruval age had yet to set in

Adam and Eve, who were naturalised citizens of Eden didnt have much clue about thengai but vaguely remembered getting punk'd by THE PUBLISHER when they were warned about biting into it (Apparently, the snake wasnt required in this tempting con) in one of the previous editions. The Bronze Aruval Age had yet to set in (The aruval is a machette that is predominantly found in S.I. It also passes by the name of Veechu Aruval / Throwing Machette. It is a Close In Weapon System (CIWS) with a limited range that can be extended by tying it to an end of a stick and lethal in the hands of an expert coconut tree climber. By George (Jr), its not a WMD). The next time, THE PUBLISHER had to convince the dynamic duo about Eden; give them free parking charges and food coupons; bribe the mosquitoes and the moon; hire a talking snake; write a convincing script and genetically modify an apple to look the part. Lucky enough, he was the only producer and director in showbiz. 

Vellai Pani / Snow White

That brings us to another of our teenage drama queens. Snow White. Thank Grimm, fairy tale characters are home schooled or tutored in dark, muggy castles. A name like that, a voice like no other, seven equally strange named mutant side kicks and not to forget, the evil step mother and her talking mirror; high school musical wouldve been aired much earlier with as many inane sub-plots, rehashes and re-runs. Pity the evil queen had to resort to a poisoned apple of all things to get the mirror talking about her. If only she knew of thengai trees, she easily couldve lured vellai pani / snow white (not to be confused with vellai panni/white pig [racist slur for a brit]) to sing and dance under a thengai tree with as many dwarfs and animals as whitey could summon; climb a tree, then drop a thengai at the exact moment. Swooooooosh! Tchapakkk!! followed by yende amme / ammmaaa / mummmmmyyyy depending on the medium , first and second languages of schooling. That would actually imply that the poor evil queen wouldn't have had to concoct a potion called "Sleeping Death" and then add a corny line:- 

'Let the sleeping death seep through'              

 Does it even qualify as villainy by any standards? Compare this with 'Kitne aadmi the' or 'Why so serious?'. Spine chilling right? to be hearing them. If anything, Alan Turing would've gotten a better last quote from a fairy tale.  

But the evil queen was in fairy land where witches and sorcerers roamed free, fauna could still be entranced by enchanting songs and not alpenliebes and mobile phone networks. So, did the evil queen ever learn math and physics so as to calculate the trajectory of the thengai she aimed at whitey's head? Or was she a born genius at aiming, throwing and breaking things?

Thengai tree climber

Asterix swear bubble

That brings us to another fruity guy if he ever was. Isaac sat beneath an apple tree drinking freshly brewed arrack dreaming about the next thengai tree he had to climb when the apple chose to fall on his head. The first thought that crossed him slowly was ouch! followed by some other unprintable stuff best described by the asterix swear bubble; then the great relief that it wasn't a thengai that fell on his head or him falling from a tree when climbing. In his drunken stupor, he gobbled up the fallen apple and looked up to see if there was any monkey sitting on a branch to give his 'monkey see Isaac:monkey do Isaac' trick. He then contemplated a career shift to an apple tree climber, but his fringe benefits of toddy / arrack and plonking down thengais would have to be given a miss. That, was not possible. He then finished plonking down the next set of thengais, when he thought:

'Why did the thengai fall down?'  

This question and the subsequent letters he wrote to the Institute of Toddy and  Thengai Tree (ITTT) Climbers have since then troubled many a school boy and girl alike.   

The main reason this blog took shape is for Thengai.inc. The thengai.inc is a company that is formed on the sound fundamental, 

'Stay hungry, Stay foolish;

A thengai a day,

keeps the other jobs away'

Our products include:-

imattai - technologically advanced cricket n baseball bats that also double up as play station move controllers and a tablet PC also. 


ikuttai - accessory for imattai where the mattai gels with the kuttai seamlessly. enhances mattai values by infinity and provides it with patented high response soft touch - imattai in a ikuttai (kuttai - small puddle. [Old tambi saying - kuttaile oorina mattai / husk soaked in a puddle / branch soaked in a puddle. It literally means old stick in the mud or the frog that didnt have a passport so couldnt travel beyond its well]).


icoprai - a multi purpose renewable source of energy that can be used for cooking, to stew/marinate the head. The company is conducting cutting edge research on icoprai as an alternative for nuclear fission. Certified as the best replacement for any and all fossil fuels. No conversion kit required. Free Demos. Just give us your car/bike/aircraft. 

icoir - its a theraband,skipping rope and elastic tube rolled into one. its also a nunchaku when imattais or thengais are attached on either end. 

ielaneer - Performance enhancing sports drink. (Note: we didnt say drugs. Drink this and you wont need any)


itun / itod - this is re-packaged ielaneer in a new bottle (Note: mfd,expiry date and batch no will not be mentioned in the pack. thats coz even we dont know its vintage) that leaves u with a sense of elation and enhances hearing abilities. No white coloured earphones or fancy players required. 

Maangai.inc

ichutney - consumable biological warfare agent. when you cant eat it, just light its fire. We export to Pakistan/China for free. 

The logo of the company is shown at the beginning of the blog and we plan to expand our ops inter-galactically where our logo would be this, when we would alternate between thengai.inc and maangai.inc just for kicks. Maangai.inc and Thengai.inc are recursive precursors of each other in the space time conundrum, just like the chicken and egg continuum. When we go inter-galactic, there would be an inter-galactic race where the winner gets a lifetime supply of one mango a day. Peacocks, peacock riders and obese persons with the brains of an elephant are not allowed. Strictly no!Not at all!

BUTT A MIND OF ITS OWN

I was standing as innocently as i could be at the regal traffic signal when something big red and huge actually oversteered by. now as i understand oversteering is something that happens when the vehicle turns by more than what the driver has commanded (thanx wiki). this is a phenomenon that is generally found in a rear engine car like the porsche 911. the other possible reason was apparent when that something big red and huge happens to be a BEST bus with an underpowered engine and oversized derriere with a butt n mind of its own. 


my guess is that the drivers of both contraptions have to countersteer so as not to topple over or create another pothole as the case may be!!

BC LAWS

THE LAW OF CONSERVATION OF BC BC can never be created or destroyed, it just transforms from one occasion to another B-)

II LAW: A topic of BC will never die in space or time, it just rises up @ 11.5 km/hr and explodes in your face from time to time or occasion to occasion.

Copy Cat Kanaan ;)

the world cup is long over but the fascination for the two songs doenst seem to get over at all. (the shakira n kanaan songs). the first time i heard give me freedom, fire....especially the opening drum roll, it reminded me of pretty old tambi song but took some time in zeroing onto it and for once the composer called deva cant be accused of doing an anu mallik!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dcCSrGW27Q

HERE I COME THE MILKMAN - LYRICS FROM THE MOVIE BIG BROTHER MOUNTAIN

(This song would not have been possible without the able guidance and compositions of Mukunda Gopalakrishnan n Rahul Sitaraman)

here i came, the milkman;
add add aaa...aaaaaaaaaaaaah;
milch cow about sing i am,
grass give you, milk give it;
you cant do that little brother....

Half baby born father
Cow milka mother milka believe..
Its blood one partu as milku seperating cows job father
Even if it seperates with milk water mix mans brain father
Dung falling fertilizer see
Dried dung burn holy ash
What you have legacy
More tell problem
You cow type toil didn't
You man plough survive didn't
Here i come milkmaaan
Ada daaaaaaaa
Milch cow about i sing
New song tie i dance
Thandana thandana Thandana thandana
Fish die karuvadu
u die sekelton become
eye servant once told
milch cow alive milk,died means become skin
Brother,bandhi be drink goat milk
big brother here give affectionate milk
mother gave me her milk
I live by tamil milk!!

STATUTORY RAJNI WARNING

"eyeaaa (kannaaa).....ground no touch feet;
just like that air fly fly,
n beat you .....mind it..... comeaaaa (vartaaa)"

i wonder what wudve happened if vladimir nabolov had known of jayalolita?

Sham the Pooh

Theres a shampoo which claims to have some ceramic cement in it; another wich claims to have some oil of dubious origin;yet another wich claims to clear ur scalp of everythng; yet another wich claims to add gloss n shine ur hair....just like cherry blossom.....
Am i missing something? thot shampoos were just diluted sodium lauryl salts wich cud b whippd up to a foam

REALISATION

Do whatever tinkering wit the Device Under Test (DUT) but always have the user manual by the side....n if possible read it before the tinkering assumes other proportions that can be justified only by choice adjectives n hyperboles which also involves a complete study of the peabrains behind micorsoft 7 and its neanderthal marketing geniuses

Quote Unquote

Quote of our lifetimes-

" I WAS MISQUOTED"

The Reason..as far as i am concerned

if theres one reason why i dont vote, its this-

the freebies offered by the political parties in tambi land...........n the fact that no one else is pampering me to vote!!

A note to the BEST bus driver

Dear bhau,

you have a big red bus with four wheels and a huge derriere, a manual steering n a very simple diesel engine i presume that roars when you increase the fuel flow. the turning radius is actually a diameter the size of regal circle. this contraption cannot go anywhere beyond a 80/100 regardless of you standing on the accelerator. Incidentally, there are no nitro boosters too if u noticed. a bit of physics with vada pav will tell u that the bus cant take off or VTOL even at max speed with a four jet engines fitted. the only persons satisfying the laws of physics would be the pedestrians n other motorists.

P.S: the domestic airport is at santa cruz, international at...the international airport, n the nearest launch site at sriharikota..oh not to forget NASA launch site at Cape Canaveral.

spidey cant fly

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man:_India

[PEPAL...LINK THE READ...OOPS...PEPLE...THE READ LINK...SORRY...READ THE LINK]

it was a the best of spider webs n the worst of spider webs; yet spidey or peter in skin tights just couldnt get his mind on the events that unfolded. he was accustomed to jumping of buildings n swinging from them in skin tights with a very bugged expression. the trans atlantic had been one long boring trip. no dovey eyed air hostess to serve, no in flight movies or a loo even. tall buildings were good, skyscrapers manageable but thats exactly what u pay as a superhero with altitude sickness clinging on to dear life on the top of an airbus a 380. spidey realised one other thing. this was the wrong flight he had boarded, rather stuck on to in the last minute. but this came later, much later,when the flight didnt land after 17 hrs n continued in its trajectory half way around the world.

spidey came out of the airport dazed by the air travel n confused by the noise of honking cars,screeching brakes n tires, the grime n sweat of bombay n not to forget the rattle of chassis on speed breakers n pot holes alike. a zeppelin couldve just crash landed instead. fortunately spidey wasnt dressed at his regal best in red n blue, but that was just as inconsequential to the clammy mumbai summer.

peter was in a quandary. he was there in an alien city with just a pair of borrowed clothes n no credit or plastic when he bumped into a weird young man by the name of pavitr prabhakar who spoke in a sing song accent. pp was also a freelance photographer who had a very similar lifestyle n friends just like his. one old couple for relatives, a girl next door dreaming of bollywood item numbers, a rich friend with an i pad n bb but just simply couldnt sync the two of em n his super rich workaholic dad who wore only green, loved his bhara kababs, owned a dozen malls n more importantly a school field trip. not just any school field trip, thetrip that changed superhero-giri forever.

pp was another snot nosed kid with a filmless camera n a camera less mobile phone at the sanjay gandhi national park where he was bitten by not just a spider but by a colony of multi coloured fluorescent spiders by the bagful. they were toxic. they were cheap recycled plastic. it was as though peter was looking through the glass with a small difference. no mushrooms or pipe smoking caterpillars sitting on top of em. sadly though caroll was dead, stan lee was too far away n sharad devarajan n his cronies at gotham entertainment group were so near yet so far. random thoughts seared through peter as tears welled up sorry webbed up......curds n whey, tuffett,muffett...spider!.‎..damn spider!!

a wisely spent weekend that never ended

last night was a small but delightful get together. i left at 8 only to make one wise decision after another. i parked my bike nearby to take the cab to vt. the minute i sat in the cab, the rain god decided to avenge his one week lay off. i managed to get a fast local that had me in the ghatkopar premises by nine fifteen sharp. if ever there was any way to make it faster to ghatkopar from colaba....i guess its not been invented yet. the party was thanx to advaith n darshan n shraddha where i got to meet some old friends after a loong time. the food was the icing on the cake. chocolate in all its gooey creamy glory.

this morning the three of us (navjeet, sonal n me) made a very wise decision to have baked beans on toast n to see delhi belly for which we booked the tickets in the middle of the night. the movie is regardless darker than black,edgier n gross in proportions but such brilliant acts n tongue in cheek humor with brilliant dialogues n even better music still have me in occasional splits even now much to the consternation of people nearby. its a gem of a movie to say the least. briiliant work thru the movie, n if u thought that was it, the movie ends with aamir khan as disco fighter which is another outrageously hilarious item number. this was followed by lunch at urban tadka. this was one of the best punjabi lunches ive had that led to the all familiar sensation that is gastronomic nirvana.the place serves some really tasty food with an ambience thats as rustic and comfortable as home in a mall. any restaurant thats as good is tough to beat.

i came back to see a match that was a battle of wits of two of the best players in wimbledon with my namesake (harsha) in a boisterous sports bar. to beat nadal 6-1 in the second set actually requires the super human powers of a wimbledon champion. and novak proved it right in more ways than many.

i cant think of anything else to do apart from breaking into peals of laughter every time i see a santro or reminded of the dialogues from the movie or just shake my head in awe when reminded of the match.

RANDOMIZED RAIN IN MORNING TRAFFIC

Morning is when a city wakes up to go through yet another day of whatever its citizens n denizens do. for a city that claims never to sleep just like the city it pretends to be (new york), bombay too has to wake up to some sights n sounds. the most of it is during my drive to work. it may not be much of a commute by bombay standards but its interesting nevertheless; people scurrying about, garbage regularly disposed off by the bmc, street urchins just urchinning about the streets. fresh rations being off loaded at shops, taxi drivers driving like they usually do at any point of time in the day, the days catch fresh and from the rotting sea, cops on their way to work children packed in school buses, happy children playing in the rear seat of a car and the hard rain that falls washes them all.

thats exactly how i came to think up these random thoughts n put them together in one left justified paragraph. RAIN! the rain in mumbai doesnt rhyme with spain or plain. so out go shaw, pygmalion n the flower selling fair lady. (wonder if she had an umbrella or a wind cheater at the least) it was many years ago when indy pop was at its only undulation in its otherwise remixed existence that a graduate from mithibai college made a pope album (whose name ive no clue abt. the name of the album not the person) made famous by the song:

" Dekho....barish ho rahi he,

its raining, its raining, its raining;

mera dil ro raha he,

my heart is crying crying crying;

tere liye tere liye tere liye

blah blah blah blah....tik tack tik tik thak tic toc..thik thick tha"

i still remember when i saw the video whenever it was aired in superhit muqabla or ek se badkar ek (incidentally, they happened to be the only two countdown shows. seems like it was in a different era altogether) i sat stupefied at whatever was happening in the video. the background had some five ladies dressed in white coat tails n a walking stick trying to do something with an overgrown guy in a white shirt n fake curls in an equally fake fedora was hugging a pillar n crying hoarse. guess that was meant to be the official music video for someone singing as melodiously as the bremen musicians n the blind suburban singers collective. stupefied now seems a bit under rated. lets make it a slow but steady assault on the senses possibly mapping the shortest way to a mental asylum if listened to in loop or repeat mode.

as i waited at regal circle for the light to turn green, a motocross stunt unfolded. regal circle as its name says is two concentric circles between whom runs a road. the diameters, areas, area between the two circles, perimeters and other important mathematical data can be obtained from the BMC. the circle has six radial roads that diverge to different areas but converge into the same park for vehicles. having said that ill leave it to your imagination as to what might transpire when all the six traffic lights in the circle go [blink]..[blink]...[blink]......[ ]. a biker crossed me almost 30 seconds before the light could change colour.this was at the same time that another car from one of the branches proceeded in the same direction. both of them changed course at the last minute, just like two precise showpilots. n this was just the morning traffic not rush hour. obviously mumbai drivers are better equipped for air shows n fancy flying!!

it was at this precise moment that another thought crossed me like the motorist. why didnt anu malik sing about pakodas, vada pav n hot cuppa tea/coffee or a wet saree song instead of crying hearts n transliterated bilingual lyrics?

a right triangle - redefined

Gorae Pytho Pytho Gorae,

Listen to this n be enlightened;

Pandit Badri Prasad,

Har Har Bole; Sona Chandi Tole!!

of rasaathi n subbalakshmi

One man's meat is another's poison,

Another's poison is yet another's rasam;

yet another's rasam is someone's mulligatawny,

someone's mulligatawny is somebody else's brandy;

somebody's brandy is our kashayam,

...fruit n nut; rum n raisin,

vodka n rasam is bloody subbalakshmi; rum n rasam is rasaathi

isnt that a fine cocktail?

of airport conveyor belts n waterfalls

IMAGINE THIS

Similie: a bollywood heroine in a b grade movie where the directors idea of romancing is to make the poor lady roll down a waterfall, make her prance abt under it while the hero lazes somewhere on the sidelines, with a blade of grass b/w his teeth

Hyperbole: the same happening in the niagra or victoria with ivan lendl commenting grass is for cows...

Reality: the luggage conveyor chute at the vizag airport seems to be modelled on either of the waterbodies pouring over a billiard table,... where the luggage is tossed about n around, spun about only to land in the conveyor belt where in all probability there is a perfectly timed head on collision with someone else's luggage or with a barrier meant as a shock absorber for a medieval battering ram