Friday, December 17, 2010

The bus trip

I’ve been travelling in and out of buses like every other person who sits in the next seat, especially if there aren’t any rail or air services to the destination. More often than not the overnight trips have been made interesting by some unheard of movie or a well heard of movie meant to be given the miss at any cost. There have been some movies that have made many a trip worthwhile, like Wanted, Veer, Karzzz, and some other hindi and a gujrati movie i can’t remember and not to forget Varalaru, some unknown vijay and vijaykanth sorry captain vijaykanth movies in tamil and of course some telugu movies that i couldn’t pronounce then and can’t remember now.

Just some weeks back I was on a trip to Pondicherry and then later on to Bangalore but both the occasions the journey was uneventful with no movies played. Somehow i couldn’t sleep without the noise and cacophony that ensues when a movie is played in a closed space. I remember distinctly the two of them combining to form a perfect syncopated lullaby and also as the only other place where I could get to watch many an unwanted movie which could claim they had one more person watch it to make it to the records and awards. Guess it was fun and insomnia while it lasted.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The barly eird and whe torm

A cock a ra co is the Indian equivalent of a cock a doodle doo; for it is quite apparent that desi roosters don’t doodle they just go a ra or arrghh hararaaah if they’ve got sore throat or trained in rajasthani folk music. Now apart from being the main ingredient for chicken tandoori or a 65 or a chettinadu and just roosting about the countryside playing the part of a hen–pecked husband, the rooster performs a very important function in the day to day proceedings of any village or farmhouse. They crow, early in the morning to signify the start of the day.

The last time I saw a rooster anywhere, fully attired was in the VH1 morning show- Jumpstart or Good Morning something. So I was actually surprised when my mother sighted rather tracked some down and that too right from the kitchen window. So I joined her sans binoculars or RFID trackers in the kitchen to scrutinize. There was not just a rooster but his brood of five hens pecking about nearby. They were sighted often in the days to come busy with their peckings about. There was one sore point though. I thought I was mistaken when I heard him crow at 0930 hrs IST the first morning. But that was not to be; for the next day too I heard him sharp at the exact hour. This was followed by some more crowing at random hours in the days to come. It was then that their pecking order became clear. It was just at seeds n fruits. Guess the master chefs n cooks got the early bird and the worm!!

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Long live Obama...and thats how B.C and A.D died

The last four days have been nothing short of bordering on insanity for the news channels. Maybe it was a collective decision to change Indian history by adding another time marker; before and after Obama (B.O and A.O). It was absolutely nauseating (to say the least for the lack of a decent word) to see 24x24 coverage about the US president's visit. The media went gaga and fell head over heels butts up in the air in covering every aspect of his visit right from the ultra second when his fully sleeved and cuffed right hand was visible through the tiny window till he finished his last morsel at the official dinner at Rashtrapati Bhavan. Oh and not to forget his life in college, when and how he smoked pot, his girlfriends, his family, his daughters curriculum in school, their grades, their art…I think I've over-emphasized enough.

I'll leave with a thought to ponder. Apart from causing severe irreversible brain damage and plunging to higher depths of crassness and deeper highs of sycophancy, what has the coverage achieved?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

A play and a monologue

There has been a spate of two plays in a week. The first one i saw was my first trip to distant prithvi last Sunday, where makarand deshpande and his ansh held centrestage for ‘the joke’. It was aboout one man’s belief in god, fairies and the other’s lack of it. Jokes (& performances) apart it was like driving a tent peg into rock with a two inch hammer.

Strictly speaking, the second one was not a play. It was a collection of monologues. Many monologues. The vagina monologues; Mahabanoo Mody Kotwal’s adaptation of Eve Ensler’s phenomenon. The performances by all the five leading ladies were great but somehow the music was a complete hotch potch and the monologues, one two many. The perfect female equivalent of five debaucherers sharing their worldly wise stories, facts,figures,some hard truths, a lot of laughs and a lot of vagina. Frankly, at the end of one and a half hours, it was an OD of vagina.

Monday, September 13, 2010

the bung...demystified

its like this. when u r hungry @ 3 in the dead of night n the only place uve got to hog is the nearest roadside pav bhaji vendor, u dont have much of a choice for classy food. u wud even make do with rotten tomato n stale onion pieces, tons of butter n dalda, just taking care to throw em out n eat the fully loaded masala n butter mix bearing some quaint resemblance to the veggies in their former constitution...but wud still go back to the same guy just for kicks. thats dabanng for u.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Daravna Lift- not a film by the Ramsay brothers

It was a muggy morning, with the sun struggling to get up by and a strong possibility of a shower lurking from the south. It also was a significant day coz it was one of the days when i actually got up @ six. It requires super human effort to wake up @ an unearthly hour when u can sleep comfortably for an hour or so.

I returned from my morning madness to the nearest elevator cubicle and was quite happy to note that i didnt have to climb up five of the six floors. One of them was working and came rumbling down at the press of the button. It was more like a gang of slaves in a creaky galley working upon it than some fanciful goblins or prehistoric animals from the flintstones. The elevator rested a good couple of inches above the ground, leaving some space for Yudhishtra to catch up with (Poor Pandav, U lost 2 a mechanical dullard at an elevation). I stepped in, watching my step to find a two inch hole in the floor, walls a pale shade of what was once yellow with a couple of scratches,stains and faded numbers in every panel. Broken finger nails, some fake blood and a tiny hand reaching from the floor and grabbing my leg would have given an unforgettable chill down the spines of the Ramsay brothers collective and mine too. Yet it was a very small detail that nearly had me served chilled. The segmented display read 7 instead of 0.

By the time i froze waiting for a scene from a horror movie to unravel, we, the elevator and me that is reached the floors above the display read numbers not known to many humans, but only to those who can decode a malfunctioning seven segmented display. The decoder stepped out (watching his step this time too for it was a couple of inches below the floor level. Righteous Yudi, u win the war of levitation and misaligned coil springs) with a wry smile to face the day that lay ahead.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

A tribute to our very own superhero

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0q-c9p4Bos&feature=search


(Warning: Some scenes in this clip are not suited for audience less than 18 years of age. Rated : PG/18+)


(A Disclaimed Warning: No stunt men or tables were injured during the shoot. Whatever or whoever were presumably injured, they arent in any state to speak...so let em rest in piece...sorry...peace. Children...boys and girls; please don’t try this at home...especially with irritating siblings)


[He walks while other men run...he flies where others jump. no he doesnt require a bedsheet or lungi tied about his neck to resemble a cape neither does he require to show the world his chaddis....he is TR...sorry SuperTR]


Sidekick with strange head gear: head, us he has head downsized talked...we cant free leave him.


B grade villain who failed a C grade movie screen test : aiii...go.....


(SuperTR somersaults over a complete gang of villains....and nadia commeneci was the one who got a perfect ten. Damn what a shame!!)


SuperTR: all of u together clash, i am ready...but one ur body running good blood n one father born say u, one by one come, clash and see we


Henchman, born to become mincemeat: man look like ant...should i clash with him.....i thinking


(Ideally to be thought of as a warm up to the fight....but actually it is the intimidatory tactics that Sun Tzu forgot to mention in his treatise. It takes someone of TR’s calibre to enlighten the world)


(Henchman makes mincemeat of rickety table instead which is again strategically placed....it was just fated to be there. Atleast now start believing in karma... u chameleons)


SuperTR: Brother in Law, man looking like ant only, but i hit... iron like it be. One, fall down guy ask u or one more chap send u n see.


B grade villain who failed a C grade movie screen test: sending i am


(u have every right to interpret his gesture as asking for a ride...but as i said earlier..this is a failed B grade villain who cant take over a small canteen selling two day old dosa, five day old idlis n muddy hot water for tea...as calvin would say...his train of thought is still at the boarding station)


(jumpin monkies, diving henchman....Crouchin tiger, hidden dragon,...ang lee u copycat!!)


SuperTR: Brother in Law, us u saw, say what? U give tea, we have to drink? Now i u give tea, eat. (dishum)..This is simple tea..... (dishum)...this is special tea..... (dishum) (dishum) (dishum) (dishum)...this is what is masala tea my Brother in Law. Till now u nowhere drink no see tea,i give u


(All indians are his brothers n sisters...or is it sisters and brothers in law??. Notice also ....handcuffs? not for TR, such materialistic things; only the connoiseurs taste in tea..wah ustad wah...ye tho TR maheli he)


(watch out u russian gymnasts...this one is for the olympic gold!!!)


SuperTR: come here my village idiot,

get it and u see;

u stand, i hit u,

rise, i kick u.

(A haiku in four verses) (Notice: nimble footwork, unco-ordinated hand movement, n very colourful socks....a real thriller in the making)


(More dishum dishum...dishum and even more dishum.....oh such violence...so much blood...so much gore...this is better than commando n arnaald sivasangar)


(the hand that rocks the henchman, feeds it too with stale fritters...save the cradle n baby food for another day)

SuperTR: come here my Brother in Law, banana fritters;

Your body i tear,will make fritters;

(Fritters: the english version of bajji...or ...bhajia.it can be made from alu,pyaaz..anything u can lay ur hands on...even good for nothing henchmen)

(poor poor brother in law...doosre ko chaai pilaya ...teesre ko bhajia khilaya aur pehle ko kuch nahi....ye unnyai he milord.....sarasar na-insaafi he)

(Confucius say: TR style kung fu, difficult very very...bruce n jackie...sorry sorry

grand master TR...big boss n Police story do, let me take ur order what will u have chicken manchurian or kung pow or 65?)


Master Shifu say
: if master confucius say, then contradict
how i? Po....sorry dragon warrior...forget it n get me some special noodles)