Saturday, September 24, 2011


mattai thengai
(coconut with husk)
thengai without the mattai
(wonly coconut)

Thengai, aka coconut / cocos nucifera. It is a member of the family arecaceae (acc to wiki). So if it were to be christened in the traditional South Indian (S.I) way, the thengai (if it had a passport) would be named A. Mattai Thengai / A. Thengai / Mattai Thengai Arecaceae / Thengai Arecaceae. 

The thengai and the apple trees had been existing in paradise with some minor differences since IT (A great theological paradox, as shakti the supreme power is feminine (SHE) while all other publishers claim that the supreme power is masculine (HE). Am just referring to power as IT at the cost of being asexist) published this tenth edition of the world (the previous editions have been out of circulation for some time now) called Kali-yug. The minor difference being that while the apple was conveniently located in GodsOwnGarden; the thengai was banished to distant GodsOwnCountry and its nearby states. 

Aruval age had yet to set in

Adam and Eve, who were naturalised citizens of Eden didnt have much clue about thengai but vaguely remembered getting punk'd by THE PUBLISHER when they were warned about biting into it (Apparently, the snake wasnt required in this tempting con) in one of the previous editions. The Bronze Aruval Age had yet to set in (The aruval is a machette that is predominantly found in S.I. It also passes by the name of Veechu Aruval / Throwing Machette. It is a Close In Weapon System (CIWS) with a limited range that can be extended by tying it to an end of a stick and lethal in the hands of an expert coconut tree climber. By George (Jr), its not a WMD). The next time, THE PUBLISHER had to convince the dynamic duo about Eden; give them free parking charges and food coupons; bribe the mosquitoes and the moon; hire a talking snake; write a convincing script and genetically modify an apple to look the part. Lucky enough, he was the only producer and director in showbiz. 

Vellai Pani / Snow White
That brings us to another of our teenage drama queens. Snow White. Thank Grimm, fairy tale characters are home schooled or tutored in dark, muggy castles. A name like that, a voice like no other, seven equally strange named mutant side kicks and not to forget, the evil step mother and her talking mirror; high school musical wouldve been aired much earlier with as many inane sub-plots, rehashes and re-runs. Pity the evil queen had to resort to a poisoned apple of all things to get the mirror talking about her. If only she knew of thengai trees, she easily couldve lured vellai pani / snow white (not to be confused with vellai panni/white pig [racist slur for a brit]) to sing and dance under a thengai tree with as many dwarfs and animals as whitey could summon; climb a tree, then drop a thengai at the exact moment. Swooooooosh! Tchapakkk!! followed by yende amme / ammmaaa / mummmmmyyyy depending on the medium , first and second languages of schooling. That would actually imply that the poor evil queen wouldn't have had to concoct a potion called "Sleeping Death" and then add a corny line:- 

'Let the sleeping death seep through'              

 Does it even qualify as villainy by any standards? Compare this with 'Kitne aadmi the' or 'Why so serious?'. Spine chilling right? to be hearing them. If anything, Alan Turing would've gotten a better last quote from a fairy tale.  

But the evil queen was in fairy land where witches and sorcerers roamed free, fauna could still be entranced by enchanting songs and not alpenliebes and mobile phone networks. So, did the evil queen ever learn math and physics so as to calculate the trajectory of the thengai she aimed at whitey's head? Or was she a born genius at aiming, throwing and breaking things?

Thengai tree climber
Asterix swear bubble
That brings us to another fruity guy if he ever was. Isaac sat beneath an apple tree drinking freshly brewed arrack dreaming about the next thengai tree he had to climb when the apple chose to fall on his head. The first thought that crossed him slowly was ouch! followed by some other unprintable stuff best described by the asterix swear bubble; then the great relief that it wasn't a thengai that fell on his head or him falling from a tree when climbing. In his drunken stupor, he gobbled up the fallen apple and looked up to see if there was any monkey sitting on a branch to give his 'monkey see Isaac:monkey do Isaac' trick. He then contemplated a career shift to an apple tree climber, but his fringe benefits of toddy / arrack and plonking down thengais would have to be given a miss. That, was not possible. He then finished plonking down the next set of thengais, when he thought:

'Why did the thengai fall down?'  

This question and the subsequent letters he wrote to the Institute of Toddy and  Thengai Tree (ITTT) Climbers have since then troubled many a school boy and girl alike.   

The main reason this blog took shape is for The is a company that is formed on the sound fundamental, 

'Stay hungry, Stay foolish;
A thengai a day,
keeps the other jobs away'

Our products include:-

imattai - technologically advanced cricket n baseball bats that also double up as play station move controllers and a tablet PC also. 

ikuttai - accessory for imattai where the mattai gels with the kuttai seamlessly. enhances mattai values by infinity and provides it with patented high response soft touch - imattai in a ikuttai (kuttai - small puddle. [Old tambi saying - kuttaile oorina mattai / husk soaked in a puddle / branch soaked in a puddle. It literally means old stick in the mud or the frog that didnt have a passport so couldnt travel beyond its well]).

icoprai - a multi purpose renewable source of energy that can be used for cooking, to stew/marinate the head. The company is conducting cutting edge research on icoprai as an alternative for nuclear fission. Certified as the best replacement for any and all fossil fuels. No conversion kit required. Free Demos. Just give us your car/bike/aircraft. 

icoir - its a theraband,skipping rope and elastic tube rolled into one. its also a nunchaku when imattais or thengais are attached on either end. 

ielaneer - Performance enhancing sports drink. (Note: we didnt say drugs. Drink this and you wont need any)

itun / itod - this is re-packaged ielaneer in a new bottle (Note: mfd,expiry date and batch no will not be mentioned in the pack. thats coz even we dont know its vintage) that leaves u with a sense of elation and enhances hearing abilities. No white coloured earphones or fancy players required.
ichutney - consumable biological warfare agent. when you cant eat it, just light its fire. We export to Pakistan/China for free. 

The logo of the company is shown at the beginning of the blog and we plan to expand our ops inter-galactically where our logo would be this, when we would alternate between and just for kicks. and are recursive precursors of each other in the space time conundrum, just like the chicken and egg continuum. When we go inter-galactic, there would be an inter-galactic race where the winner gets a lifetime supply of one mango a day. Peacocks, peacock riders and obese persons with the brains of an elephant are not allowed. Strictly no!Not at all!


Munch said...

"But the evil queen was in fairy land where witches and sorcerers roamed free, fauna could still be entranced by enchanting songs and not alpenliebes and mobile phone networks..." Awesome sir... Now who says sarcasm is the language of the devil... ;)

BTW...lifetime subscription of ITOD for this follower is much desired... !!!


actually sarcasm is the language of the alien :P

lifetime subscription- sure subscription charges will be sent across in a bottle ;P